A new year, a new decade!
It is that time of year again. For myself, the dawn of a new year means a chance not only to reflect on what has happened over the past year, but to look forward to what the future year will bring.
The past year has been a busy one! I have seen my children grow faster than I thought humanly possible (with a dad who is 6’5”, I mean that both physically AND metaphorically!). At almost the same speed, I have seen my private practice blossom and grow, and I am truly, truly blessed to have the ability and opportunity to do something that I am passionate about. I consider my ‘job’ a privilege and an honour on many different levels.
In the spirit of reflection and renewal, early into this New Year and new decade, I’ve had an opportunity to take a ‘nugget’ from one of my recent sessions with a dear client of mine. Without getting into details, the question is this: Is asking those close to us for feedback on “How am I doing?” a bad thing? An indication of poor self esteem? Suggestive of pathological self-loathing? I hazard to say no (of course, in a general, non-clinical sense) – and that most of us don’t do it nearly often enough.
In our daily lives, we make unconscious assumptions – about our marital relationship, the relationship we have with our children, our job, our interactions with people in line at the bank, and so on – that affect the choices we make. This unconscious assumption often sounds something like “I must be doing okay because I haven’t had anybody complain at me lately.” But if we stop and challenge our own assumptions, would we not ask of ourselves to be more than “okay”? So, how do we gauge whether we are living and performing to our peak potential? When we go to school, we have to complete assignments regularly and get graded according to our effort and talent. At work, we get periodic performance reviews. But in our day-to-day life, who is grading us?
So, for those of you reading this, I challenge you to ask: “How am I doing?” Don’t be afraid to hear the worst – it is only by facing our fears head on that we can truly grow and reach our potential. As a matter of fact, you may find out that like a great majority of people, you are your own worst critic – and find the feedback much more positive than you could anticipate!
Of course, I cannot ask you to do something that I wouldn’t be willing to do myself. With that in mind, I have been working on a Client Satisfaction Survey. It is short and sweet, completely anonymous and confidential, and has been sent to a random selection of my clientele with whom I’ve had the pleasure to work over the course of the past year. (If you are a current or past client of mine, and would like to complete this anonymous survey, I would love if you would do so here). So far, I have to say that the feedback has far surpassed my expectations, and serves to motivate me even more – not only to continue on my current path, but also to strive to continue with my self and professional-development. Of course, the rare ‘constructively critical’ feedback will further fuel my desire to help my clients achieve their best potential, while maintaining appropriate professional and ethical standards of practice. As a wise person once told me: “You can make some people happy all of the time, all people happy some of the time, but you can never make all people happy all of the time.” Not that I profess to be in a position to “make people happy” per se… What this means to me is to recognize and understand your limitations, strive to improve what you can, offer your best all of the time, and understand that you cannot be everything to everyone. Which resonates with two concepts that I try to live by: strive to always be the best you can be, and always be kind to yourself.
So, are you achieving to your potential? Are you being kind to yourself?
Thank you for the precious time you have spent reading this short reflection.
Wishing you and yours a happy, healthy and ever-hopeful year!
In kindness,
Tanya
